Wednesday, July 13, 2016

The Otherside

I began changing from writing to rhyming to recording some of my feelings with my actual voice. I hope this Remix of Otherside by Macklemore will help someone understand where I came from and where we can go. The change is within, as gatorade said - Win from within. Hope my story can help you.

Sunday, February 28, 2016

Relax, it's just relapse

Up late it's a late night
Canceled date night 
Because I hate life
And I fear light
So I'm up late tryna escape life
Devil in my ear
Confirming all my fears
"Relax it's just a relapse
It's like a Lambo to a C class
Your girl will give you a free pass
It's all part of your recovery"- that's 
When you can't see that
You can't see passed 
All your memories past
Because dopamine's crashed
And now wifey reacts
She cries while he laughs
You know where you're gonna be
Right here burning and alone like me
So go ahead and relax
Just chill
Let's see how many lives this lust kills
Let's see how many times this lust kills 
You'll be disconnected from your own will
Keep laying down dude
And those flaxen cords will turn to chains
Now you no longer run your brain
Now they tell you that relapse is part of the process
But repentance is a change of heart, mind and thought process
So if you want to change best start with EVERYTHING
Yeah I said it EVERYTHING
You can't relax! 
There's no rest for the fearing
We can't expect another relapse
No matter what you might be hearing
In order to change
We cannot do the same
The Savior will transform you
The Savior already ransomed you
He never stopped, slowed, or quit
Not when He was lashed, spat on or hit
Not when He was crowned with thorns
Did He look above and scorn
Not when He carried His cross
And said He forgave those who were lost
Not when He was hung from a tree
And saved every one of us to eternity
Stabbed through his feet which they should have kissed
Tortured by his creative hands and his wrists
Not when He gave up the ghost and rose up again
Did He give up His mission to save His friends
No excuses, we can't do this no more!
Dissect your life, sincerely Step 4
With every single choice that you make
Remember, my brother that exaltation's at stake
So when you hear the whisper to relax
Say "Sorry not sorry, but it's not just a relapse" 
I'm done with your fake, no more mistakes
I'm goin up, exaltation's at stake

- Eroc

*P.S. I fully understand that relapse is a part of recovery and I am not saying any of us are perfect. I failed many times before I began to truly understand recovery. It wasn't until I understood what was at stake, I understood what I was fighting for. Each thought towards my addiction was another step away from eternal life. Away from my wife. Away from my children. Away from my Savior. Away from my God. I had to stop giving myself excuses, acting like it was ok to relapse again and again. No more excuses, repentance is change, and it definitely is not easy. But I heard a brother say once "I will not yield, I will not go back." This is my eternal goal and I am in the captain of my soul!

Wednesday, February 17, 2016

An Action Man: -thesis-

In 2 Nephi and Doctrine & Covenants there is a line about creation for "things to act and things to be acted upon." Now, at the top of the food chain, we are actors. Well, not actors, but we should be the ones to act. To do. To be. We are the ones that must do. Be priesthood men! Be action men! 

-thesis- position

Men hold your positions
We will not be moved nor requisitioned
Fighting for a mission
verses minions of the unholy definition
I plan to remand
I stand and demand
A battle for peace and
The battle for me and
My fam, my friends, my home
If true we will stand alone
But ye will not be left alone
Because once you get out of the friend zone
You’ll learn to kneel down in the end zone
Where you from?
Who you with?

Monday, February 15, 2016

Porsche 911

In our PASG meeting last week the facilitator told this parable about going to the car dealership:

"Earlier this week I went to get some service done to my car. While waiting for it to be done I noticed a very ugly sound coming from outside and up came rolling a very high end, high maintenance sports car. It came up screeching and smoking from underneath the hood and as it parked in front of the office out came a very upset middle aged man. You could tell he was well off (One because the car was a Porsche 911 and Two because his attire was all name brand.) This vehicle usually prices at around $90 - $100,000 depending on the package and the poor stallion had been turned into a hacking and sputtering donkey. The man was irate and said "I've had this car less than 2 years and it is doing this?! UNACCAPTABLE!" The mechanic calmed the man down enough to get some basic questions in about the vehicle. "Well sir, when was the last time you had an oil change?" The main snorted and retorted "With the amount I paid for this car, why should I have to have an oil change?!" 

The facilitator laughed at this predicament but then thought of us and the step we were on which was Step 10: Daily Accountability. The last 3 steps in this wonderful program are called 'Maintenance Steps' for a reason. In an ideal case, by the time you've truly worked the program and gotten to step 6, your addiction should have subsided and character weaknesses showing. It is now time to maintain the precious, clean vehicle that you have fought for. If this man would have brought in the fancy car like he was supposed to, every couple thousand miles, then he would have seen that there were some things that needed correcting. Especially oil to lubricate the metal in the engine! We are the same. There need to be regular check ups or we will end up destroying ourselves inside and out. Daily accountability is essential to not only sobriety, but progression in the gospel. 

Don't be like this guy

Be like this guy
Alma 5: 26 "And now behold, I say unto you, my brethren, if ye have experienced a change of heart, and if ye have felt to sing the song of redeeming love, I would ask, can ye feel so now?"

Friday, February 5, 2016

Trust in Love

I trust in love but love is not trust
If I come from above then Love i must
I know I can love you but trust can’t be rushed
I can’t look back at the mistake called lust
Why is virginity now a fable?
She kept all her horses in the stable
You gave her a bland label and call her Aunt Mabel
Because you feel Cain and obviously aren’t Abel
To control yourself or even remember protection
Remember to not do it at all is the best selection
Because we start to lose sight of true affection
Intimacy and love is up to individual discretion
But nowadays sex is love and that is some
folks profession. The oldest
Lust is alone and love stays together

I cannot lust because love is forever