Sunday, February 28, 2016

Relax, it's just relapse


Up late it's a late night
Canceled date night 
Because I hate life
And I fear light
So I'm up late tryna escape life
Devil in my ear
Confirming all my fears
"Relax it's just a relapse
It's like a Lambo to a C class
Your girl will give you a free pass
It's all part of your recovery"- that's 
When you can't see that
You can't see passed 
All your memories past
Because dopamine's crashed
And now wifey reacts
She cries while he laughs
You know where you're gonna be
Right here burning and alone like me
So go ahead and relax
Just chill
Let's see how many lives this lust kills
Let's see how many times this lust kills 
You'll be disconnected from your own will
Will
You?
Keep laying down dude
And those flaxen cords will turn to chains
Now you no longer run your brain
Now they tell you that relapse is part of the process
But repentance is a change of heart, mind and thought process
So if you want to change best start with EVERYTHING
Yeah I said it EVERYTHING
You can't relax! 
There's no rest for the fearing
We can't expect another relapse
No matter what you might be hearing
In order to change
We cannot do the same
The Savior will transform you
The Savior already ransomed you
He never stopped, slowed, or quit
Not when He was lashed, spat on or hit
Not when He was crowned with thorns
Did He look above and scorn
Not when He carried His cross
And said He forgave those who were lost
Not when He was hung from a tree
And saved every one of us to eternity
Stabbed through his feet which they should have kissed
Tortured by his creative hands and his wrists
Not when He gave up the ghost and rose up again
Did He give up His mission to save His friends
No excuses, we can't do this no more!
Dissect your life, sincerely Step 4
With every single choice that you make
Remember, my brother that exaltation's at stake
So when you hear the whisper to relax
Say "Sorry not sorry, but it's not just a relapse" 
I'm done with your fake, no more mistakes
I'm goin up, exaltation's at stake
Quake

- Eroc



*P.S. I fully understand that relapse is a part of recovery and I am not saying any of us are perfect. I failed many times before I began to truly understand recovery. It wasn't until I understood what was at stake, I understood what I was fighting for. Each thought towards my addiction was another step away from eternal life. Away from my wife. Away from my children. Away from my Savior. Away from my God. I had to stop giving myself excuses, acting like it was ok to relapse again and again. No more excuses, repentance is change, and it definitely is not easy. But I heard a brother say once "I will not yield, I will not go back." This is my eternal goal and I am in the captain of my soul!






3 comments:

  1. Great poem. I do take issue with the 'relapse is a part of recovery' in your ps though. I totally disagree. Can a person relapse while they are working towards recovery? Yes. Of course, and it should not negate their efforts prior to or after the relapse. But are they IN recovery during that relapse? No! Saying that relapse is a part of recovery essentially says that you can't recover without relapse. Which totally negates the Atonement. I'm not saying it isn't incredibly difficult, or even unusual to recover without relapses along the way. But a relapse is just that, a relapse, not a part of recovery.

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  2. Hello Anonymous, I appreciate your comments, and though you think we are on different points we reach the same conclusion. The whole purpose of my poem was to say that excuses made for relapse are not okay. My PS was to those who are constantly struggling, because I remember how great it felt to make it a day, then a week, then two weeks, then a month. I'm not saying these people are in recovery but they are taking steps, and relapse is not ESSENTIAL to recovery but it happens early on. People should not be discouraged or give up because we are not perfect. Read it again and you will see that we have the same feelings. Keep moving forward.

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