Sunday, October 11, 2015

Afraid of the Dark (Part 1)

Our fears take many shapes, have many levels, and many sizes. I had this fear that lasted for the majority of my life. I was afraid of being left alone. Afraid of not knowing who I was. Afraid of not being loved. I was afraid of the dark. Not really of the dark but of the fact there was no light in it. I couldn’t see what was in there! I was afraid of the unkown. It wasn’t until I chose to have faith in what I did know than worry about what I didn’t that I really saw change in my life. Faith/Fear all day.

I chose this. I did it, it was me. I was the one to recant my desire to be free
The desire to be cared for, to be loved, it overpowers all
The fact that I know exactly who I am, and who I’m supposed to be
Destroys my confidence and brings me down further in the gulf when I fall
Seething with hate, all pointed inward
Welcoming death willingly, please let me die
Praying to find the Father’s vineyard
Death to resurrect, please let me die
Darkness around, darkness surrounded
Darkness abounds when darkness expounded
Darkness I HATE YOU!! LET ME BE!!
I’d rather be blind than to see what I’ve seen!
But the scenes are burned into my memory
Their force is so much stronger than I’ll ever be
Please save me! I can’t do this alone!!
Lord, if only you had a phone
But if You did would I even dial?
I’m scared to talk to you before my trials
My faith wavers when I don’t hear you
Do I lack faith or do I actually just fear you?
So often I want to just give up
I’m so down I can’t even look up
I’m burnt by the absence of peace of mind
Lord, please take this disgusting piece of mine
So with weakness of mind I fall, yet again
Welcoming "old friends" lonely and depressed, that threat again
They welcome me so coldly
They embrace me so boldly
They hold me
They know me
They recommend I stay with them all night and all day
“It’s so easy,” they say “just sit here and waste away.”
Then a still small voice comes to blast my doubts

Says “You’ve got yourself in this, and with my help, you can get yourself out.”

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